Loneliness
by PinkAngel17
Summary: The feeling of loneliness can effect even those who are surrounded by other people. M/G
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Criminal Minds…I just wish I did.

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"_Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate."- Germaine Greer_

Penelope Garcia sat in the quite solitude of her apartment. Never before had she felt so alone. Even after her parents' death and she and her brothers drifted apart she hadn't felt this abandoned. It was eating away at her heart and deep down into her very soul; tearing her heart to shreds with each passing day. And the worst part was that technically she didn't even have a reason to feel this way. She had a sweet boyfriend who poured out affection and friends who had stood by her as pillars of strength after she was shot. So why was she feeling so alone…so empty? She could answer that in two words:

Derek Morgan

The man who had been her best friends for years, who had protected her in her time of need, and who she had shared her deepest secrets with. They had stood by each other in the darkest times, but now it was all over.

She had watched as he pulled himself away, retreating into himself and his work. He distanced himself from her and pushed away her love and friendship. He no longer flirted with her, no longer went out for drinks with her, instead he treated her like a random co-worker and it slowly tore out her heart. Tears streaked her cheeks as she remembered the previous day.

She, JJ, and Emily were having a much needed girl's night out. While they were at the bar she was laughing and trying to have a good time when she noticed Derek and Tamara Barnes walk in. He was holding her close to his side, just like he used to hold her, and didn't even look up when they passed. Penelope watched as Tamara walked off toward the restroom leaving Morgan at the bar getting drinks. She thought for moment before excusing herself to get another drink. She walked up besides him and ordered her drink before looking over at him. She smiled at him trying to ease the tension. She was hoping they could talk and perhaps restore a part of their friendship, but her hopes flew out the window as he greeted her with a short "hi Garcia" and then turned away, completely ignoring her and shutting her out. It was as if a bubble was surrounding him and she couldn't get through it's thick walls. Her already battered heart was smashed to pieces at that moment and her loneliness intensified to the point that she felt as if she was the only living person on the planet.

She felt so lonely and abandoned by her best friend. Her heart ached with the pain and emptiness that had taken over her. And as if all that wasn't enough she also felt the guilt that was slowly eating away at her because she new it wasn't fair to the others. They were her friends and family, but yet she felt like she was all alone in this world. She knew that it was beginning to effect her relationship with Kevin and it wasn't fair to him either. She would have to talk to Kevin later though because right now the pain and loneliness was consuming all her energy to the point that she couldn't even bring herself to move off the sofa.

The hole in her heart was overtaking her, but she wouldn't let it effect how she interacted with the team. They were the only family she had now, so she refused to push them away, but even having them close didn't ease the pain. She simply didn't understand how Morgan's lack of communication and friendship could leave her feeling so alone.

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So how do you like it so far?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds…I only wish I did.

There's only one more chapter left after this one and it won't be as sad, I promise.

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"_The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration."- Pearl S. Buck_

Derek Morgan wasn't sure what to do. The emptiness and darkness that invaded his soul brought pain and it was tearing him apart from the inside. He thought he could do it. He actually thought that he could distance himself and still live a happy life. It was only recently he realized how wrong he had been.

His heart ached and yearned for her, his best friend and the woman he truly loved. The light that had guided his life and brought warmth to his heart and soul had faded away leaving only the dark emptiness.

Why had he done this to himself and to her? Why did he let it get this far?

He had thought he could simply walk away from Penelope, act more casually around her, and hopefully free his heart which she had stolen so many years ago, but it didn't work. She still held his heart and now he only brought more pain to himself. He was hoping that with time the pain would ease, but the ach was still there and only intensified each time he saw her.

He only wanted what was best for them both. She had Kevin and he didn't want to stand in the way, but he knew he couldn't stay around her without his heart breaking, so he had put up shields and even tried to move on with Tamara. Tamara could never replace Penelope, he knew that, but he still had to try. Unfortunately it only made things worse.

Now everyday his thoughts would haunt him and he didn't have anyone to talk to, his heart grew colder as the warmth Penelope brought disappeared, and the emptiness he felt threatened to destroy him.

What could he do though? The amount of love he had for Penelope scared him, but the loneliness he felt was going to break him.

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Let me know what you think! Review Please!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds…I only wish I did.

Well, this is it, the last chapter. I hope you like it! Thanks for reading and for all the reviews!!

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"_Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."- Dag Hammarskijold_

Penelope woke up on Saturday morning and couldn't stop the tears that silently fell down her cheeks as she lay there staring at the ceiling. She had no strength or need to get up. She had broken it off with Kevin late last night and she still felt extremely guilty for what she knew he must have felt, after all she knew too well what it was like to have your heart broken.

With a sigh she wiped away her tears and set up on the bed. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and rested her head on her knees. She couldn't live like this. The ache in her heart and the loneliness she felt was worse than anything she had ever felt before.

So, with a new determination, she straightened and got out of bed. The pain and loneliness out weighed her fears of rejection now. She knew she had to tell him, even though he had a girlfriend and he would most likely turn her away and therefore shatter he heart, she had to tell him how much she loved him.

As Penelope got dressed she thought about what she was going to do and she knew his reaction would either destroy her or give her something to live for.

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Morgan got into his car and sighed as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Honestly that had gone better than he thought it would. He thought Tamara would make a big deal out of him breaking up their relationship, but instead she was calm, almost as if she was expecting it.

Now he just had to get up enough courage to tell Penelope how deeply in love with her he was, apologize for being a jackass, and hope she would at least talk to him. It was a make or break situation. Either she would somehow forgive him or he would spend the rest of his life alone and miserable. Of course the chances of her forgiving him were slim, but he had to try and get his baby girl back or else his heart would continue to die slowly.

So with that thought he started his car and began to drive home first in hopes that it would give him enough time to think of what he would say to his baby girl. His plan was that, as he was thinking up his speech, he would go home, grab a quick shower, and then he would rush to Penelope's apartment and pour out his heart and soul.

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Morgan was lost in his thoughts as he pulled up to his house, but shock soon took over and pushed his musings away when he saw Penelope's car, Esther, sitting in his drive way. As he parked he saw someone sitting on the steps of his porch and his heart nearly stopped. He was filled with both joy at seeing the love of his life and panic at the thought of what was coming.

As he got out of his car he kept his eyes on her as if she would disappear if he looked away. He approached Penelope slowly and was mesmerized by her beauty as her blonde curls glowed in the sunlight. When he got closer she seemed to snap out of the thoughts she was lost in and looked up at him with surprise written on her face before standing up quickly and looking down at her feet.

He couldn't help the small smile that graced his face when he watched her bite her bottom lip and fidget slightly. She was just so adorable and all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss those perfect red lips.

Penelope was beyond nervous. When she had arrived and found him gone she wasn't sure what to do, so she had sat down on the porch steps for a minute to think, but got consumed in her thoughts. Now here he was standing in front of her and all her well thought out words and her formulated speech went flying out of her head only to be replaced with dread and panic.

Their hearts picked up speed and pounded in their chests as they stood only a few feet away from the other. For a minute they just stood there and stared at each other, both lost for words now that they were face to face.

The tension filled the air around them and all outside distractions disappeared as if they were in their own little world. All that mattered now was the person that stood in front of them.

Penelope couldn't stop the tears that gathered in her eyes as she looked at the man in front of her. Her whole life and happiness was in his hands and it was a fact that scared her to death.

Once Morgan saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears his heart broke even more and his gut twisted with guilt. He couldn't stand to see her in pain, especially knowing he was the cause of her distress. He didn't know what else to do, so he slowly took the last couple of steps toward her and then used his thumb to wipe away the lone tear that managed to escape her saddened eyes.

"Oh baby girl." He whispered softly with pain, sadness, and guilt lacing his voice.

He knew he had to make things right and he only had one shot at it, but he didn't know what to do, so he decided to go with his heart. Tentatively he leaned forward as his heart pounded in his chest. He paused just for a second as his lips hovered over hers before placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Their lips brushed together and a bolt of electricity shot through their bodies. They both closed their eyes at the sensation still only inches apart as their breath intermingled. Without a second thought Morgan leaned forward again and pressed his lips to hers in a long, sensual kiss. His tongue begged for entrance and he moaned when he felt her relax against into his chest and part her lips for him.

The kiss deepened as Morgan cradled her head with one hand and used his other to pull her against his well muscled chest. Penelope felt her doubts and nervousness disappear as she got lost in the kiss.

All of their fears, anxieties, and loneliness seemed to melt away as they became completely engrossed in each other. Slowly the dark, empty hole that had made their hearts ach began to once again be filled with a sensation that neither of them had experienced with any other person.

They broke the kiss only for the need to breathe, but Morgan continued to hold her tight so she couldn't pull away. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as he gazed down at her with a look that openly displayed all of his emotions.

The sight of the deep, soulful eyes that she hadn't seen in so long made Penelope's breath catch in her throat and more tears gather in her eyes.

He wrapped both of his arms securely around her waste and held her tight as he rested his head on her shoulder and buried his face in her neck.

"I love you so much Penelope. I can't loose you." He whispered almost painfully, his voice slightly muffled, but she still heard him easily. He placed a soft, feather light kiss on her neck that sent a shiver down her spine.

"Please give me another chance to make things work between us." Morgan said softly as he lifted his head and stared into her eyes. "You're my best friend and the best thing that has ever come into my life. Penelope, baby girl, please…I need you in my life, but not just as friend." He told her trying to send his message across through his eyes as well. He was about to open his mouth to continue, but she stopped him.

"Derek," She breathed out. "I want to spend my life with you too. I love you more than life itself, but I couldn't survive having my heart broken again." She said, her voice thick with unshed tears. "I'm in love with you, handsome" She added with a small smile that made her eyes twinkle for the first time in too long.

Morgan sighed with relief as he rested his forehead against hers. "I'm in love with you too baby girl." He told her and she could here the honesty in his words. "I should never have let you go and I will forever regret what I did, but it did make me realize how much I need you in my life. You're my whole world Penelope and I swear that I will die before I hurt you again."

Tears fell down Penelope's cheeks, but her face radiated a happiness that she hadn't felt in a long time. Derek's own eyes glistened with joy as he wiped away her tears and kissed her tenderly.

"How about we go inside princess?" Morgan asked, still not letting her out of his embrace.

"Will you hold me?" Penelope asked softly in return.

"I'd be perfectly happy holding you for the rest of my life sweetheart." He answered with a smile and kissed her head.

"Then lead on handsome." She said with a new hope and confidence in her voice.

Morgan beamed as he walked her up his porch and into his house with one arm still around her waist.

They both knew it wouldn't be the end of their troubles, but it would be the beginning of their new lives that held the promise of hope, security, and lasting love. Gone was the emptiness, loneliness, and pain that had been embedded into their heart and in it's place was a love that could outshine even the darkest of shadows and survive even the darkest of days.

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So, what did you think? Review Please!


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